so lately i been feeling a lot of stress and pressure and felt like life has been sending me through a dodge ball game.
the week started with a parking ticket. in front of my own house. for not having my car registered, which is was, which they also knew cause they ran my plates i just hadn't put the sticker on. perfect.
it was followed by a strange back spasm, cramp that was really painful causing me to not be able to sit up straight or work out. this ended with me in the dr office only to find out that i had shingles, again. i first had them when i was 16 at girls camp in the summer, peachy. oh and in case you were wondering the chances of you getting them twice, 1 in 5%. really? splendid.
i did get saved from that one due to a wonderful 'sister' of mine who gave me doTerra oils, which I was kind of scared of at first but it ended up with me not having a breakout rash and the pain gone in 4 days. wonderful!
and not to mention, i had my yearly check up the day before the shingles appointment with the OB/GYN so it was just a week filled with topless dr's appointments. how lucky am i? come the next day i was confused that i didn't have an appointment to strip down and freeze.
and then lastly... this one has just been around. so i don't know if it qualifies as a dodge ball. i have wanted a baby forever, growing up i knew i wanted at least two {you can't have one they will be a brat, and while we are in this little side note- when i was younger i was planning for like 5, yes to answer your question i was crazy and insane}. I had a life plan, you know how you think things will work out. just in case you are thinking about making one, i will save you the effort.. don't. things never go the way you want. Maybe just set goals, they are easier and you are less disappointed when they happen then if you planned for them. I first brought this 'plan' to Cody's attention when we got married. here was my plan..
get married - 21
finish school - 25
first kid - 26
second kid - 27 to 28
if we thought about a third.. had to be before I was 30.
{I didn't want to be the grey haired grandma when my kids are in high school, and i want them gone so i can travel and still be young.}
well, I am sure you have done the math.. I am not on that path except that I did get married at 21 and I graduated at 25. Now I am 27 1/2 and no kiddo. not even preggers. Cody did make it clear that he wanted some things completed before we started thinking about kids. And I was on board. He did want me to be done with school and him almost done - check. He wanted us to have good jobs - check for me, he has one lined up for when he is done so semi-check. i also wanted to have the first kid in my family, and i got out done on that one. My sister k* is having a boy June 22. so, here is the struggle. I want one, I am flustered that I haven't done this already. I kind of wonder if I am meant to be a mom, or if it is better to just not. I have a jealousy problem with my sister being pregnant and not to mention most things with her are a competition so i kind of don't want to have one or get pregnant while she is, could cause family drama. oh, i am not getting any younger so this is going to be difficult, on top of the fact that I have back problems which makes it that much harder. and sometimes i feel like life might just be easier if i didn't have one. Oh and practically everyone I know is either pregnant or just had a kid. But we decided recently that we would start to try. to think about having a kid and prepping for that. We are both scared, cody is borderline petrified, but i think we can figure it out, maybe. Any advice on this one? I don't know how to overcome the feelings of jealousy and how i don't know if i want to do this at my age and if i can - kind of feel like i missed the boat on this one. oh and can you guys stop getting pregnant? it makes me feel loserish. Thanks :)
{yeah, you don't have to answer.. just venting here to the cyber world here.}
5 comments:
Teags, I love you! You are the best. I know exactly how you feel. I have been so stressed this whole semester. Plus Matson is super stressed and has a full plate, so it just adds when we are both stress and feeling crazy unhappy. We have always tried to keep Friday date nights a necessity, but this semester we have barely even done that and stayed in for homework catch up nights. ANYWAY...I know exactly how you feel and the stress thing is crazy. But the jealousy thing...I read this a few years ago for a religion class. Thought I would share: http://www.lds.org/ensign/1975/02/when-sibling-rivalry-strikes?lang=eng&query=jealousy
I am excited! I think you will be the most thoughtful, creative, fun, and caring mother. Just think of the joy that your dogs have brought you, and think of that being a child that is just like you and Cody and accomplishes so much and all the joy that he or she could bring you! You will be the best mom! Therefore, I don't think you should worry about K* or anyone else or what they think when making this decision. If it is time for you guys to try, then try! Maybe it takes some faith and just try!
Sorry this is so long. Love you!
Hey Child!
First off, I love you! You are incredible an person who is a definite inspiration and example. I have looked up to you so much while I have grown up and even now. Seriously you are incredible.
Now, you can take this or leave it, I know that this is coming from your younger brother so I suppose you have more “life experience” than I do, but I wanted to share a few thoughts and ideas and you could call them suggestions. Like I said, take them or leave them.
I will come out and say it, our family is very competitive. We all are! None of us like to lose right? Often times this leads us down the slimy path to angerville/envyville. I know because I am a frequent offender. Why are the Tanner’s like this? I am sure I don’t know all the answers but I do know what President Benson said. President Benson said that pride is competitive in its very nature, even that competition itself can be classified as pride! Pride is enmity, enmity is hatred toward or opposition to, and pride—as President Benson stated—is the great stumbling block of mankind. It is the “sneaky” vice that grips almost everyone, whether or not they realize it. Essentially, our family is prideful. Pride leads us to competition, which I think leads to jealousy. We each think that we ought to be the first, or the best, or the smartest. We compete with each other, maybe subconsciously, to the point that when someone else wins we become envious or jealous. The point of this life is to learn how to become like the Savior, meaning being able to accept the will of Heavenly Father and obtain a love for all mankind. The key is becoming humble like the Savior, to turn the other cheek, and learn to love everyone without enmity. Its great that Kellyn is pregnant isn't it? There is no reason to be jealous or worry about having a baby at the same time as her; the important thing is not who is pregnant or who has the attention, the important thing is the miracle of childbirth. The important thing is the love that you will have for your child and for your small little family. There is no greater joy, and really nothing else matters. Remember this is purpose of life! I would read this talk by President Benson. (http://bit.ly/GXnn1e).
Next, dont be nervous of moving into uncharted territory. Who could ever really be ready for being a parent? You just can't be fully prepared for that, but that is the plan! The point is to dive right in and learn as you go. It must be part of Heavenly Father's plan to have these children later in your life as opposed to when you planned it(remember that we have to learn to accept His will). There will always be positive that comes out every situation, its part of God's plan. Think of this life. We had to come to this earth to learn for ourselves, through experience, how to live life. It was impossible for God to teach us everything we needed to know in the pre-earth life, we just couldn't comprehend until we actually experienced it. The Atonement itself could not have been completed unless Christ actually physically suffered (See Alma 7). So it is with us, we have to actually experience it, and nothing will prepare us for it. My advice for your baby? Ask the Lord, listen to your heart during your prayer (maybe even in the temple) and trust Him. If you feel a good feeling, go for it and push the fear aside. I think you are mean't to be a mother. You are loving, thoughtful, creative, supportive, smart, nurturing, and just amazing. I have always seen you as a future amazing mom. You will be the most incredible mother any child could ask for, and I think you are more than ready. Nothing is impossible with God right? All in all, there is nothing else that really matters besides your husband, children, yourself, and the Lord. Make sure you are putting Him first, and all else will fall into place. I sure love you and hope that if there is ever anything that I can do for you that you tell me. You are exceptional!
**ERICA- I was longer in my reply! (See, competition)
Hey my darling darling friend!! I love you! There certain people that fall into your life and you just know that in some way, you are sisters. You are one of those people for me. No matter how long it has been since we last talked, I always feel at ease around you.
I can not say that I can understand the prego thing, but I do have a few words of encouragement for you.
The lord is aware of you. Of all your your wants desires and struggles. He knows that you want a baby and that this is hard for you. He knows probably more than anyone around you ever could. He also knows you will be a great mom. I way "will be" because you will. Sometimes the best things in the world are the things you have to wait for. Things you struggled and sweated over, that way we can make sure it is that much more appreciated.
Don't get discouraged. Just remember that it is in the lords time. "Be patient in thine afflictions and the lord thy god shall lead thee"
I love you sweet friend.
Dear old friend, I know this feeling very well. I love my little sister dearly and we truly are best friends. But I understand. Dugan and I had been together for years. I watched three of my very close friends get married before me. Finally it was my turn. Dugan and I wanted to finish at uvu before getting married so we had a long engagement. My sister who was 17 at the time got engaged during my Engament. Her ring was similar I was bugged. Uumm I was three years older couldn't she just wait her turn. Anyway, I got over it. About a year and a half after I got married I was applying to the architecture program at the U. My sister came over with my mom to give me a gift. It was baby booties??? Took me minute. I congratulated her and at the time I didn't really want to have kids yet but I didn't want her to have them either. her wonderful little boy arrived. I love him ssssooo much. Well here I am four and a half years later. My sister announced two weeks ago that she is having other little one in sept. I have to admit I was a lot happier for her this time. Her little boy is four and a half and needs a buddy. I turn 28 tomorrow and no little one yet for me. I always said when I grow up I want to be a mom. Well in less then 5 weeks I will be graduating with my masters in architecture. I truly love architecture but in my life plan, I was suppose to be done with school at 24 have my first kid at 26 and my second kid at 28. I Can honestly say I know how you feel. I think now is a wonderful time. Don't worry about your sis. If you want to start trying then DO IT. Good luck my dear. Till then enjoy being a aunt who loves so strongly but can always give them back.
Teagan,
I can understand a lot of what you are going through. We ought to have a little talk sometime! We live close enough! Anyway, I know life doesn't necessarily work out the way that we plan but the plan B's and sometimes C,D,E, F eventually work.
Anyway, I just want to remind you that I didn't have Casey until I was 30. Yes, I realize that I am that old lady that still has kids, but, oh well!
I also understand the jealousy thing. Anyway, let's get together and have a chat sometime. I don't want to get into everything here in cyberspace. I wouldn't want Matson to get mad at me for writing a longer post than him!
Just wanted to tell you thanks for being you! I love working with you in YW. All the girls love you. You have had a real impact in their lives. Courtney can't stop talking about your lessons. Thanks for being so great and God bless you as you figure out what it is that He has in store for you!
Love,
Amy King
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